Journal of Contemporary Psychotherapy, Vol. 24, No. 4, 1994
Existential Psychotherapy with Fast-Track, Suburban Couples Jim Lantz, Ph.D., and Mike Witter, Psy.D.
In this article, the authors describe the existential situation of the fast-track suburban couple and a treatment approach based upon the philosophical concepts of Gabriel Marcel and Viktor Frankl. In this treatment approach, the therapist uses availability, primary reflection and secondary reflection treatment experiences to host the client couple's discovery and actualization of the meaning potential in their intimate life.
INTRODUCTION In rapidly increasing numbers, clinical practitioners are receiving requests for treatment from couples who have "made it" and are successful from an economic point of view (Lantz, 1993). Although it is no surprise to learn that material success does not protect us from marital and family problems, it is surprising to discover that such problems and difficulties so often are associated with a marital life style that is focused primarily upon the achievement of success, status, power happiness and wealth (Andrews, 1974; Lantz, 1994A). It is troubling to discover the degree and intensity of unhappiness that is found just below the surface in so many of our middle class and upper-middle class couples (Lantz, 1978, 1993). For the purpose of this article, we will label such couples as "fast-track, suburban couples." The purpose of this article is to describe and outline some of the issues and problems that are often discovered when working with fast-track subu r b a n couples and to provide some treatment r e c o m m e n d a t i o n s based Address correspondence to Jim Lantz, Ph.D., College of Social Work, The Ohio State University, 1947 College Road, Columbus, Ohio 43210. 281 9 1994 lluman Scit~nccs Press, Inc.
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upon the existential concepts of Viktor Frankl (1955, 1959, 1969) and Gabriel Marcel (1951, 1956, 1963). THE FAST-TRACK SUBURBAN COUPLE AND THE WILL TO MEANING From an existential point of view (Franki, 1955, 1969; Marcel, 1956), human despair is frequently reactive to a failure in the discovery and actualization of the meanings and meaning potentials in human life. In such an existential approach, it is understood that whenever a couple's "will to meaning" is disrupted or sidetracked, and whenever the couple's meanings and meaning potentials are covered, clouded, repressed or denied, the couple will experience a meaning vacuum which is filled by symptoms and problems (Frankl, 1955, 1959; Lantz, 1993). In this existential point of view, it is the task of the therapist to help the couple discover, rediscover and actualize the meanings and meaning potentials in intimate marital life (Lantz, 197, 1978, 1993). This shrinks the couple's meaning vacuum and these symptoms that grow in the existential-meaning vacuum (Frankl, 1955, 1969; Lantz, 1993, 1994A, 1994B). From an existential point of view, a frequent reason for symptom development in the fast-track, suburban couple's relationship is that the couple has replaced the "will to meaning" with a will to pleasure, wealth, status, power and/or success (Lantz, 1993). As both Frankl (1955, 1969) and Gabriel Marcel (1951, 1956) have reported, such an abandonment of "purpose" places the couple into a situation where they are abandoning their basic reason for "existence." For both Frankl (1955) and Marcel (1951), the couple joins together in order to discover and manifest meaning through hope, charity, fidelity, responsibility, availability and a living connection with otherness. For both Frankl (1955) and Marcel (1951), any disruption of the couple's purpose for joining and existence as a couple will result in human despair For both Frankl (1955, 1969) and Marcel (1951, 1963), the couple's happiness can only occur as a "side product" of a meaningful relationship. For Frankl (1955, 1959, 1969), to find the self is to lose our narcissistic preoccut~ations with the self and to strengthen the self is to give the self in a relationship with otherness such as can be found in coupling and intimate love. For both Frankl (1969) and Marcel (1951), it is strange paradox to discover that human happiness is often best found in intimate coupling where the search for happiness is replaced with the search for meaning and purpose in an intimate relationship. In this view, the fast-track, suburban couple's will to happiness will unfortunately result in an experience
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An awareness of meanin~
and purpose in life
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The fast-track suburban couple
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Figure 1
of emptiness and despair (Lantz, in press). Figure 1 illustrates the situation of the fast-track, suburban couple. The following case examples illustrate fast-track, suburban couples who have chased success, money, power, glory, status and happiness only to discover emptiness and despair. Mr. and Mrs. Abelson
Mr. and Mrs. Abelson had three children, a beautiful house in the suburbs and a miserable marriage. Mr. Abelson was a 46-year old engineer who worked in industrial sales. Mr. Abelson worked extremely long hours and felt disconnected from his wife and children. Mrs. Abelson reported that she hated to get up in the morning to face the day and reported that she was drinking more than she ever had in the past now that her children were older and no longer "needed" her. Mr. Abelson reported that his only real joy was "making money," and Mrs. Abelson felt that her only real skill was "spending it." Mr. and Mrs. Abelson scored a mean of 84 on the Crumbaugh and Mahalick (1966) Purpose in Life Test at the intake marital therapy interview (a score of 20 to 96 indicatest the presence of an existential vacuum; a score of 96 to 111 indicates that the subjects have or are in danger of developing an existential vacuum, and a score of 112 to 140 indicates that the subjects experience a sense of meaning and purpose in life). Mr. and Mrs. Abelson were seen 47 times in conjoint marital t h e r a p y over a 15-month period of time. The couple made significant
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changes in their values, style of living and spending patterns. At the end of treatment, this couple scored a mean of 128 on the Purpose in Life Test, and at the two-year follow-up evaluation, the couple scored a mean of 132. The couple used Existential Couples Therapy to discover new meaning potentials in their marriage and new problem-solving strategies to use in the actualization of these newly-discovered marital meaning potentials. Mr. and Mrs. Brown
Mr. and Mrs, Brown were a successful "up and coming" marital couple who were frequently pictured on the society pages of their midwest community's newspaper. Mrs. Brown was a 30-year old housewife and exmodel, and Mr. Brown was a 36-year old successful lawyer who had just made partner at a "top ranked" legal firm. Mr. and Mrs. Brown had decided to "not have children," and both members of the couple dedicated their time and energy into making Mr. Brown's legal career a "success." Both Mr. and Mrs. Brown enjoyed the "material pleasures of life" and were very good at spending a great deal of money. Both Mr. and Mrs. Brown had expensive cars, and the couple also belonged to an extremely expensive "country club." Mr. and Mrs. Brown were friends with "all the right people" and had an excellent "persona" in the community until Mrs. Brown's suicide attempt and "psychiatric" hospitalization "ruined our image." The couple was referred for marital therapy after Mrs. Brown was released from the hospital. The couple scored a mean 78 on the Purpose in Life Test at intake. Existential psychotherapy with Mr and Mrs. Brown focused upon expanding the couple's awareness of new meaning potentials in their marriage and exposed the couple to how they had been devaluing each other in their "narcissistic and self-centered" marital relationship. The couple refocused their directions and goals in marital life. Mr. and Mrs. Brown scored a mean of 123 on the Purpose in Life Test after 36 marital therapy sessions and scored a mean 128 at the two-year fellow-up evaluation interview. ACTIVITIES AND STAGES IN EXISTENTIAL TREATMENT WITH THE FAST-TRACK, SUBURBAN COUPLE The function of the existential psychotherapist when working with fast-track, suburban couples is to "host" the client couple's awareness and actualization of the meaning potentials in the couple's daily intimate life (Lantz, 1974, 1978, 1993). Gabriel Marcel's (1951, 1956, 1963) existential description of the "host" is a very helpful guideline for the therapist who
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attempts to "bring out the best" in fast-track, suburban couples who come for help. Gabriel Marcel (1956) describes a host as a person who uses "time and attention" to structure a "gathering" in a way that will bring out the best in the invited guests. For Marcel (1956), being a "host" is to allow the self to "receive" the gift of others which are "brought out" by the actions of the host through his or her effort towards "receptivity" and "availability." For Marcel (1956), being a host means allowing the self to be touched by the existing other, to give testimony about how one has been touched by the other and to report this "grace received" to the guests who are being entertained. For Marcel (1956), the receptivity and testimony of the host deeply facilitates the emergence of the guests who are being entertained. Marcel's (1956) host provides the guests with a sense of powerful confirmation that is not frequently experienced in our modern technological world (Lantz, 1994a, 1994b, in press). In existential psychotherapy with fast-track suburban couples, the activities of the therapist-host include joining, assessment, availability, existential reflection, evaluation and termination. These activities of the therapist-host are presented in Figure 2. Each activity might also be considered as a stage of treatment. If these activities are placed in a stage model framework, it should be understood that each activity does occur throughout treatment and that each stage only represents a "time of prominence" for each activity during existential treatment with the fast-track, suburban couple.
Joining and Assessment
! Availability
! Existential Reflection
1 Evaluation and Termination Figure 2
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JOINING AND ASSESSMENT WITH FAST-TRACK, SUBURBAN COUPLES Joining and assessment refer to the exploratory activities used by the host-therapist in order to discover potentials of the couple which the therapist might respect, admire, enjoy and appreciate (Satir, 1967; Lantz, 1993). Joining and assessment are used with the fast-track, suburban couple to develop an initial understanding of the couple's meaning potentials which have been clouded and covered by the couple's will to pleasure, power and/or wealth. Joining and assessment are used by the therapist to discover whether or not the therapist can or is willing to engage in "availability" with the couple who is requesting help (Lantz, 1994A). The fasttrack, suburban couple uses joining and assessment activities to discover whether or not they are willing to give the therapist trust and whether or not they see personal characteristics in the therapist that the couple believe can be of help. Although most therapists and clients believe that the joining and assessment stage of treatment occur primarily on a conscious level of awareness, we believe that the therapist and client couple's decision to work with each other is primarily intuitive and unconscious in nature. In spite of the unconscious and intuitive aspects of joining and assessment, we believe that the process is remarkably accurate and frequently results in a good fit between the client couple and the therapist offering help (Lantz, 1978, 1993). Availability Availability (Marcel, 1956; Lantz, in press) is a constant and stable understanding of the presence of the ultimate thou in a relationship with other human beings. Availability is the manifestation of creative fidelity to the potentials of the fast-tr~ck, suburban couple even if the immediate and experienced feeling for the couple is unpleasant, negative and difficult. To be available to the fast-track, suburban couple means to be "rooted in being" with the potentials of the couple in spite of the difficulties which can occur during and because of such human connection (Marcel, 1956; Lantz, in press). In our view, the couple's therapist should be willing to make a commitment of availability to the fast-track, suburban couple seeking help or the therapist should not see the couple. In such a commitment, the therapist will not demand that the couple agree to any set period of time for treatment prior to the start of treatment. Instead, the couple's therapist is
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willing to be available to meet the couple's emergent treatment needs (Lantz, 1993, in press). In such a commitment, the couple's therapist hopes for improvement and change but will not reject the fast-track, suburban couple if the couples does not or cannot live up to the therapist's expectations for change. In addition, the therapist does not hide from the pain that is behind the fast-track, suburban couple's style of living by using a distant stance of objectivity, technology or the treatment role. Instead the therapist is effected by an empathic connection with the couple's pain and potentials for growth (Lantz, 1993). The couple's therapist's commitment to availability with the client couple resembles the kind of treatment that has traditionally been offered at, "old time" family service agencies and pastoral treatment centers rather than the short term "specialization" centers that are so popular today (Lantz, 1993). In existential couples therapy with fast-track, suburban couples, the couple will often respond to the therapist's empathic availability and willingness to confront the couple's dysfunctional style of living with strength, courage and a deeper desire for change (Lantz, 1993). At times, Marcel (1956) refers to "availability" as falling in love with the potentials of the guests, and at times Marcel (1963) reports that "falling in love" with the potentials of the guests can only occur because of the host's willingness to manifest availability.For Marcel (1951, 1956, 1963), this "falling in love" with the "potentials" of the guests provides a profound sense of confirmation and permission to change. Existential Reflection
In existential psychotherapy with fast-track, suburban couples, existential reflection is an extremely important aspect of the treatment (i.e., hosting) process. The purpose of existential reflection of Existential Couples Therapy is to host into conscious awareness meanings and meaning potentials that have been clouded, covered and/or repressed by the fasttrack, suburban couple and to host the couples actualization of such meanings and meaning potentials (Frankl, 1975; Lantz, 1993, 1994B). Marcel's (1951, 1956, 1963) typology of primary and secondary reflection is very helpful in gaining a better understanding of the existential reflection process facilitated by the therapist in existential psychotherapy with the fasttrack, suburban couple (Lantz, 1994B). Marcel (1956, 1963) identifies two kinds of thought and reflection which are called primary and secondary reflection. In Marcel's (1956) view, both of these kinds of thought and reflection are necessary and valid when
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they are properly used. For Marcel (1951, 1956), primary reflection (which is most often found in technology and science) should be used to focus upon problems and problem resolution and secondary reflection (which is most often found in philosophy, art, mediation, religion and prayer) is used to deepen understanding of and participation in the mystery of being and the discovery of meanings and meaning potentials in human life (Marcel, 1951, 1956, 1963; Lantz, 1994B).
Primary Reflection Primary reflection is problem-centered reflection which aims towards insight and knowledge that is objective, verifiable, abstract and universal (Marcel, 1956). In primary reflection, there is distance and separation between the reflector and the object of reflection (Marcel, 1956). In primary reflection, thought is directed towards breaking down, reducing and confronting problems (Marcel, 1956). Because primary reflection is geared towards the discovery of knowledge that is verifiable and objective, it is abstract and involves a "minimized" relationship between the thinker and the object of reflection (Marcel, 1963). Primary reflection places the world in a spotlight and pushes the world to answer questions (Marcel, 1956). Primary reflection contrasts with "secondary" reflection in that primary reflection is directed towards "breaking down" and solving problems, and secondary reflection is used to discover and rediscover unity, connection, wholeness, mystery, meanings and the meaning potentials in human life (Mercel, 1951, 1963).
Secondary Reflection Marcel (1951, 1963) is not critical of the use of primary reflection but is very critical to its misuse. For Marcel, Primary reflection allows us to use technology and abstraction to gain knowledge, manipulate the world and solve many problems. Marcers (1951, 1963) critical observations about the misuse of primary reflection point out and highlight the moral and meaning confusions that result when primary reflection is "imperialistic," overly central in human life and "judges" all knowledge and truth only by objective and abstract criteria. For Marcel (1951, 1956) when primary reflection is valued and utilized to the exclusion of secondary reflection, "technomania" is the usual and frequent result. Lantz (1993, 1994A) has reported that many modern families that request treatment are very skilled
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at primary reflection, devalue secondary reflection experiences and suffer with an existential-meaning vacuum as the result. In our view, the fast-track, suburban family is often very skilled at primary reflection and is seldom skilled at secondary reflection. The specific mechanics and procedures of secondary reflection are difficult to present in an exact and systematic way (Marcel, 1956; Lantz,1994B). One aspect of secondary reflection is a "disbelief" in the complete adequacy of primary reflection which triggers an attempted recovery of the mystery and unity of experience which is distorted by the powers of abstract and primary thought (Marcel, 1956, 1963; Lantz, 1994B). In this view, Marcel (1963) is pointing out that abstract, manipulative and experimental reflection is reductionistic and clouds the mystery of being. For Marcel (1991), whenever primary reflection reduces life, love, friendship, faith, prayer, fidelity, commitment, courage, encounter, despair, joy and other manifestations of meaning and mystery to experiences which can be understood "clearly," secondary reflection must and will rise up to correct the blindness of primary reflection. In our view, a great number of fast-track, suburban couples have discovered and experienced the "emptiness" of primary reflection and are "waiting" for an experience in secondary reflection. A second aspect of secondary reflection is its capacity to help us discover and participate in what Marcel (1951) calls the "unmeasurable mysteries of life" in a serious, sensitive and rigorous manner. Secondary reflection includes discovery through participation instead of observation, encounter rather than the subject-object split and concrete involvement in daily life rather than distant and disengaged abstraction (Marcel, 1956, 963; Lantz, 1994B). Secondary reflection is thought in the presence of mystery, participation in what is being contemplated and personal connection to what is being recollected and/or experienced (Marcel, 1951, 1963; Lantz, 1994A, 1994B). Secondary reflection is commonly found in friendship, love, art prayer, literature, drama, meditation, recollection, celebration, poetry, music and in the "l-Thou" dialogue (Marcel 1951, 1956, 1963; Lantz, 1994B). In Existential Couples Therapy with fast-track, suburban couples, the therapist-host encourages the manifestation of secondary reflection to help the couple identify and discover the meanings and meaning potentials in intimate life and the therapist-host encourages the manifestation of primary reflection to help the client couple "actualize" and "make use" of the meanings and meaning potentials in marital life (Lantz, 1978, 1993,1994B). Figure 3 illustrates the use of primary and sec-
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Primary Reflection
Existential Reflection
Secondary Reflection Figure 3
ondary reflection in Existential Couples therapy with the fast-track, suburban couple. Evaluation and Termination
In existential Psychotherapy with fast-track, suburban couples, evaluation and termination activities are utilized by the client couple and the therapist to discuss and dialogue about meanings and meaning potentials discovered and actualized, mysteries received and hopes that still remain (Lantz, 1993, 1994A). In existential psychotherapy with fast-track, suburban couples, the client couple and the therapist utilize evaluation and the potential upcoming separation of termination that is about to occur as an "almost" final reflection experience (Lantz, 1978). The process of "saying good-bye" and the potential stopping of the treatment process at times will stimulate the emergence of powerful meaning potentials that are still repressed. In this situation, existential psychotherapy with the fast-track suburban couple should be continued and often continues at a deeper and more powerful level (Lantz, 1978, 1993). At other times, the couple's therapist and the couple's reflections about termination results in a mutual
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decision to stop treatment for the present time (Lantz, 1978, 1993). It is our preference to terminate couples therapy in a way that leaves the door open for a possible continuation of treatment (if this is appropriate) at a later time (Lantz, 1978, 1993). The following case illustration is presented to show how the couple's therapist might "host" the discovery and actualization of meanings and meaning potentials during the process of existential psychotherapy with the fast-track, suburban couple.
Sharon and Ken
Sharon and Ken originally requested couples therapy in March of 1985. They had been dating for about 8 months and had decided to live together to "explore" the possibility of a "permanent" relationship. Ken was 31, and Sharon was 28 at the time of the first treatment interview. At intake, the couple scored a mean of 89 on th Crumbaugh and Mahalick (1966). Purpose in Life Test (PIL) In the initial conjoint couples therapy interview, both Sharon and Ken were asked to "draw a picture of their relationship as a car." Sharon drew and described a "flashy car with engine troubles," and Ken drew an "expensive, status car with steering problems." Sharon did not think that her "car" had enough "heart," and Ken was not sure if his car "could find its way" in view of its steering problems. Exploratory existential psychotherapy was initiated with the couple to help them discover their goals, values, directions and "heart." Art was used throughout treatment as both Ken and Sharon had talent and interests in art and felt comfortable using art to facilitate reflection and expression. The therapist encouraged the couple's use of art to explore secondary reflection issues. The couple attempted to use art to resist secondary reflection through a focus upon primary reflection issues. In the initial stage of treatment, both Sharon and Ken used art to illustrate and describe their "faults." Sharon used art to show Ken how much "drinking and screwing around I have done," and Ken used art to show Sharon that he was not the "strong-tough guy" he "pretended to be." During this initial stage of treatment, the couple's therapist consistently told Ken and Sharon that he "believed" them when they revealed their weaknesses, flaws and failures in character but remained curious about why he liked them so much "anyway." The therapist suggested and insisted that Sharon and Ken "dig deeper" to find the secrets of who they really were. In the middle stage of treatment, Sharon and Ken both worked hard to discover why they were so attracted to each other "in spite of our flaws"
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and used art, dreams, meditation and prayer to discover the "spiritual part of our relationship." Both Ken and Sharon started producing drawings o f a river "that separates us," and both did drawings of themselves stuck on one side of the river with no way to get across to find each other. Towards the end of this stage of treatment, stones started appearing in their river drawings which eventually made a bridge that they could get across. Ken and Sharon were very shocked to discover that the stone bridge in their drawings that made a way for them to "get across" the river was in fact made in the shape of "a cross." Ken and Sharon started going to church together and decided to join an Episcopalian church. This church was chosen as a compromise - - "bridge" - - church as Ken had gone to a Baptist church when he was a kid and Sharon had gone to a Catholic church when she was young. Both Ken and Sharon felt that this new church included familiar elements of both Ken and Sharon's religious traditions. Ken and Sharon got married in 1987. They had their first child in 1989. T h e y stopped coming to treatment "regularly" in 1988. Their mean Purpose in Life Test score at termination in 1988 was 128, and their mean score in 1990 was 132, Ken and Sharon occasionally contact the first a u t h o r for a follow-up session. They have been seen seven times since the birth of their first child in 1989. The couple is doing very well. They have three children, are active in church and community, and lead a meaningful, spiritual and happy life. SUMMARY AND CONCLUSIONS In Existential Psychotherapy with fast-track, suburban couples, it is the job of the therapist to host the emergence of meaning awareness and meaning potential actualization in the couple's daily intimate life. In this article, the activities and stages of being a host in Existential T r e a t m e n t with fast-track, suburban couples have been outlined, described and illustrated by clinical material. REFERENCES Andrews, E. (1974). The emotionally disturbed family. New York: Jason Aronson, Inc. Crumbaugh, J. and Mahalick, L. (1966) Purpose in life test. Murfreesboro: Psychometric Affiliates. Frankl, V. (1955). The doctor and the soul New York: Vintage. Frankl, V. (1959). Man's search for meaning. New York: Simon and Schuster. Frankl. V. (1969). The will to meaning. New York: New American Library. Lantz, J. (1974). Existential treatment and the Vietnam veteran family in Ohio Department of Mental Health Yearly Report (33-36). Columbus: Ohio Department of Mental Health. Lantz, J. (1978). Family and marital therapy. New York: Appleton-Century-Crofts.
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Lantz, J. (1993). ExistentMlfamily therapy: Usblg the concepts of Viktor Frankl. Northvale: Jason Aronson, Inc. Lantz, J. (1994A). Mystery in family therapy. Contemporary Family Therapy, 16, 53-66. Lantz, J. (1994B). Primary and secondary reflection in existential family therapy. Contemporary Family Therapy, 16, 315-327. Lantz, J. (in press). Marcel's availability in existential psychotherapy with couples and families.
Contemporary Family Therapy. Marcel, G. (1951). Homo Viator. Chicago: Henry Regnery. Marcel, G. (1956). The philosophy of existentialism. New York: The Citadel Press. Marcel, G. (1963). The existential background of human dignity. Harvard University Press. Satir, V. (1967). Conjoint family therapy. Palo Alto: Science and Behavior Books.
