Use of Family Systems in Preparation for Ministry Herbert Anderson, Ph.D. Wartburg Theological Seminary

C. George Fitzgerald, S.T.D. Medical Center at Princeton

Understanding the systematic dynamics of one's family of origin is necessary in preparation for ministry and can be most powerfully effected by engaging students i n o n e of several family therapy techniques. Moreover, a family systems orientation is useful for theological explorations regarding family and Church as family, as well as enhancing skills for ministering to the contemporary family in all its diversity.

ABSTRACT."

Family therapy as a helping modality and as a way of understanding human development has grown rapidly in recent years. Although it has not y e t generated a comprehensive theory and clinical methods are still in ferment, family therapy concepts and practices have already proven useful in preparation for ministry--within b o t h a seminary and a CPE context. Specifically, four fundamental areas intrinsic to personal/professional effectiveness may be identified: 1. The pastor's family o f origin as an influence on vocational choice. Family factors invariably affect the selection of ministry as a vocation. Understanding the dynamic processes of their family o f origin is critical and necessary if the ministerial candidate is to b e c o m e more self-consciously intentional a b o u t choosing pastoral ministry. Very often, through such processes as name-giving or the repitition of transgenerational patterns, families will designate a member to receive the mantle of ministry. At a recent workshop, for example, a pastor reDr. Anderson is Associate Professor of Pastoral Theology, Waterburg Theological Seminary, Dubuque, Iowa 52001. Dr. Fitzgerald is Chaplain Supervisor, Medical Center at Princeton, Princeton, New Jersey 08540. This article stemmed from a presentation made by the authors on November 11, 1977, at the annual Conference of the Association for Clinical Pastoral Education. 49

Pastoral Psychology, Vol. 27(1), Fall 1978

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called his great-grandmother's dream on the day of his birth that he would someday be ordained. A family systems approach is particularly beneficial in such an analysis, providing a relatively neutral framework for considering the often emotionally loaded impact o f family on ministry as a vocational choice. 2. The pastor's style in relating to families in general. Because of the expectations that surround the pastoral role as well as the ready access they usually have to people in families, pastors n o t infrequently b e c o m e significant members of the families of their congregation. They may be q u o t e d as super-parents in discipline disputes or emotionally triangled into a conflicted marriage partnership. Whatever the mode, pastors win unwittingly and belatedly find themselves joined to families in ways that are intended by the family to maintain equilibrium, b u t which can eventuate in disastrous consequences for all concerned. To a greater extent than is generally recognized, pastors participate in congregational families (as well as the congregation as a family) in ways similar to the ways they functioned in their o w n family of origin. Preparation for a caretaking ministry with people in families must, therefore, entail a recognition of one's role in one's family of origin. 3. The pastor's heightened sensitivity to the family's developmental junctures as well as their domestic milieu. Another area of preparation for ministry illumined by incorporating the dynamics of family systems pertains to pastoral functioning vis-a-vis the critical developmental steps in a family's odyssey. 1 Beyond the instances of tragedy or loss when the pastor is expected to respond to the family as a whole, the Church has ritualized critical transitions in the life cycle such as baptism, confirmation, marriage, etc. in ways that correspond with significant times in the family's history. A family systems orientation can enhance pastoral effectiveness in these m o m e n t s by increasing their awareness of the impact of a transitional crisis on the family as a system. Furthermore, ordinary parish calling often puts the pastor in the midst of family life. By articulating the importance of initiative as a therapeutic style and by encouraging h o m e visitation as a treatment modality, family therapy has provided an impetus for recovering the lost art of pastoral calling. No d o u b t many reasons exist for the decline in this practice. Perhaps, in the course of a h o m e visit, pastors t o o frequently f o u n d themselves enmeshed in more family stress or conflict than they were prepared to handle and, therefore, retreated to the safety of the study. At a minimum, translating family therapy

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methods for making home visits may rejuvenate this essential component of effective ministry. 4. The pastor's need for a comprehensive conceptualization o f the current diversity in family life. Present concern for the plight of family life has already prompted a plethora of solutions offered by both religious and non-religious sources. While attending to the family theologically is commendable, reissuing biblical models of family life without examining the complex dynamics of the contemporary family may create more problems than it solves. The family systems approach provides the Church with a diagnostic tool for assessing the power and potential of a family--whatever its contemporary form (single parent, blended, etc.)--before any resolutions are offered. The remainder of this paper will outline the usefulness of the family systems orientation for personal and professional development for ministry in general and to families in particular. Before developing these issues further, however, it may be helpful to identify our position in relation to the family therapy perspective and its eventuation in theory and practice. Although our basic training in family therapy took place under the aegis of the Nathan Ackerman approach, several other figures have also been influential. Ackerman's emphasis includes upsetting the family equilibrium, supporting positive interactions, relating psychodynamic understanding to family systems concepts, use of self in therapy, and introduction of experiential interventions.2 Salvador Minuchin has elucidated family structure and process in ways that are particularly useful in working with families in which authority is diffused or boundaries poorly defined? Bowen and Nagy have highlighted the importance of transgenerational themes as well as such related issues as fusion and differentiation.4 Finally, and particularly relevant for pastoral functioning, people such as Paul and Pincus have underscored the importance of the relation between unresolved grief and family dysfunction,s While interventional methods from family therapy can inform pastoral care, it is our conviction that viewing a family systemically entails, foremost, a radical reordering in thinking about people in general and conceptualizing about families in particular. The orientation runs counter to a more individualistically rooted anthropology that pervades western thought, 6 including approaches to pastoral care for the last half century. Accordingly, learning to think systematically is not easily internalized. The uniqueness of this perspective stems from the importance of general systems theory for comprehending family dynamics.

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Family Systems Theory To the best of our knowledge every writer on family therapy refers to themselves as practitioners of family systems theory. However, the usage and understanding of that theory within the field varies greatly. The problem is c o m p o u n d e d by the c o m m o n use of the word "system' . . . . the economic system," "the organizational system," "the school system," etc. In actual fact, any integration of family therapy with the general system theory of von Bertalanffy and the structuralist m o v e m e n t has y e t to be achieved. 7 Nonetheless, it is within this c o n t e x t of a developing theory and practice that our understanding of the family as a general system must be viewed. We accept the definition of a family system as three or more units relating to each other in such a w a y that change in one unit affects the others and a system-wide change affects each unit. This takes into consideration Bowen's observation that a dyad is an unstable relation and characteristically exists by triangling in a third m e m b e r (a concept which has, as yet, untested intriguing implications for a childless couple or a single parent and child relation). Understanding the family as an open system presumes that it is an organism with a life of its own, reciprocally relating to its environment, a whole greater than the sum of its parts. In negotiating a balance between its internal and external worlds the family system must achieve a functioning equilibrium b e t w e e n the extremes of rigid closedness (morphostasis) and constant change (morphogenesis). 8 Once the family system view becomes internalized the traditional linear approach to etiology loses its efficacy. It no longer makes sense to l o o k for "a cause" for a problem since, u p o n analysis, each "cause" turns out to be an " e f f e c t " of an earlier "cause" and this line of reasoning can be traced ad infinitum--while the system remains unchanged. Rather than seeking causes, the focus shifts to discerning patterns of interactions within the immediate family and across generational lines. The techniques we use with students/trainees, described below, enable them to discern these patterns of interaction within their families of origin and more importantly, h o w t h e y contribute to, and are affected by, these processes. Although the question seems rarely attended to, viewing the family as a system should encompass value-oriented issues very much within the perview of pastoral care concerns. Several questions arise at this point: e.g., does the family focus result in unhealthy dehumanizing of the individual?; h o w much does the counselor/therapist assist the family in assuming responsibility for its own change, as op-

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posed to prescribing paradoxical tasks?; what topics are appropriate for discussion by the entire family?; h o w much c o m m i t m e n t should one have to preserving the family unit as presented?; and, what characterizes a well-functioning family? While a discussion of these issues deserves attention b e y o n d the scope of this paper, we do operate from the working hypothesis that the most desirable achievement for individuals and families is the att a i n m e n t of a balance between individuation and relating. In actual practice these two factors interact in a reciprocally reinforcing manner, so that the more individuation one has achieved the more he attains unambiguous and productive interpersonal relations and vice versa. Personal and Professional Development In recognizing the influence of the family of origin on the choice of ministry as a vocation, attention should be given to the strengths as well as the weaknesses in this process. For example, the family is usually the primary c o m m u n i t y in which we learn h o w to care and be cared for. What is necessary for individual development, however, is increasing self-awareness t h a t maximizes a u t o n o m o u s choice both in personal and professional decision-making. The utilization of family therapy resources for personal and professional development invariably highlights the process of individuation in differentiating from one's family of origin. In the ordinary course of events this differentiation is a difficult task in itself. We often find that simply leaving h o m e in a rebellious storm or moving hundreds of miles away does n o t result in individuation, but a counterdependent stance in which the underlying family fusion continues as tenaciously as ever. For seminary students the process is further complicated by the extended adolescence brought about by prolonged education and consequent economic dependency. If a student enters the ministry as a partial response to fulfilling parental needs and hopes, then the emotional entanglements can become more complicated and restricting of their professional growth. This lack of sufficient differentiation from one's family of origin made it difficult for a seminary senior to plan his own ordination service. Because entering the ministry had been his mother's dream for so long, the student wondered sometimes who was being ordained. This process of differentiation inevitably takes y e t another twist for married seminary students. The economic dependency on parents t h a t continues for m a n y students is exacerbated after marriage. This

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can lead to furthering the emotional binding of married children to their parents and impede the ordinary b u t painful process of "joining the marriage" which needs to occur in the years after the wedding. It should be n o t e d that economic independence does not guarantee emotional differentiation leading to autonomy. A family systems approach can be useful in helping married seminary students achieve the differentiation from their family of origins necessary for making emotional c o m m i t m e n t to a spouse as well as to one's professional growth. As in other helping professions, people who choose ministry as a vocation are often the oldest or the designated "responsible" one in the family. The implications of the parallel are obvious: pastors characteristically assume more responsibility for the well-being of their parishioners than is appropriate. Extricating oneself from a position of the "responsible one" in one's family of origin is a necessary step towards developing an approach to ministry which maximizes being responsive rather than responsible. Students often resist this distinction until they make the liberating discovery that being responsive is care that does n o t demand or expect cure. Similarly, the rescuing m o t i f is a dominant one in those seeking ministry as a vocation and again may be aligned with the family of origin. For one student the stakes were high in everything he did because he had accepted the responsibility of saving his parents from what he regarded as a mediocre marriage and life situation. Beginning the process of setting aside t h o s e inclinations was enabled by a painful look at his family roots within a seminary course. The image of the rescuer seems to be more useful and less globally judgmental than the notion of a "messiah c o m p l e x " which has been used in the past to label such pastoral behavior. We recognize that this heavy emphasis on personal understanding in relation to one's family skirts the complicated border b e t w e e n therapy and education in professional development. That tension is n o t n e w and has often been unnecessarily polarized. Both loci are important for professional development even though studies such as the Readiness for Ministry give priority to personal qualities more than knowledge and skills. To the extent that theological education is more and more thought of in terms of professional or spiritual formation, it will be essential to examine the lingering impact of the primary formation in families relative to the practice of ministry. It should also be noted that student reactions vary significantly to an intense look at their family of origin. For some it legitimates asking parents long-standing questions a b o u t family that had n o t previ-

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ously been permitted. Other students m a y be curious a b o u t the families of other group members b u t derive very little from looking at their own family. In part, this can be understood as resistance toward experientially based learning of any kind. However, this initial limited awareness involves at least t w o deeper issues. On the one hand, something very familiar has suddenly been perceived in a n e w way and this takes time to assimilate. On the other hand, a very serious t a b o o has been violated (a rule, to be sure, that varies with societies): viz., one does n o t reveal private family matters in public. Thus, the initial reaction may entail a touch of depression, derived from the guilt of having violated secrecy rules or breached the public behavior our families have trained us to employ. In our experience the time and energy required to provide a context for exploring one's family of origin usually pays off. Learning a b o u t one's own family dynamics enhances the process of individuation, increases awareness of patterns influencing preparation for ministry, and sometimes leads to more productive interacting within the family. One student's discovery regarding the impact of her favored b u t responsible position led to a telephone reunion with her brother and a consequent willingness to let her seminary peers support and care for her. Techniques for Understanding Family Dynamics Against this background of enthusiasm, caveats, and reflections, we wish n o w to describe five family therapy techniques used in preparation for ministry to enhance self-understanding while developing pastoral functioning skills. It should be said again that the primary purpose for using these techniques is n o t to make every pastor into a family therapist b u t rather to introduce potential pastors to methods used in family care, some of which are applicable for pastoral ministry. Within a seminary course on the care of families limited even to 20 students, each student cannot have much more than one hour in a small group to learn a b o u t their o w n family. Given those limitations it is important to make available private meeting time to reflect on or clarify the student's experience of their family. Time is not quite so limiting in a CPE context. Although in some instances one might k n o w enough a b o u t a student to select which technique would be most beneficial, more often the choice depends on the instructor's intuitions. In general we have found that the power of these instruments depends heavily on the skill, experience and creativity of the teacher or chaplain.

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Sculpting This modality has b e c o m e one of the best known techniques associated with family therapy. 9 No single way exists for doing sculpting and one is limited only b y one's imagination and resourcefulness: e.g., the depiction may be impressionistic, realistic, a combination of the two, set at one time and place, or taken from several periods in a person's development, etc. Because of its non-verbal nature, this technique has been particularly helpful with students who have used verbal ability to cover their affect. Essentially the process consists of choosing members of a class or training group to play the individuals in one's family of origin including oneself. We frequently have the person move in and o u t of their role, t h e r e b y discovering if it feels right as well as to gain some distance from the family dynamics. The "actors," in effect, are arranged as living statues. They may be told what they are doing as well as objective information (e.g., age, name, occupation, etc.), b u t they are n o t to be told what they are thinking or feeling. Every a t t e m p t is made to elicit the family dynamics as perceived b y the sculptor: e.g., alliances, issues of closeness and distance, power alignments, etc. Once the scene has been set to the satisfaction of the sculptor, the actors are asked to close their eyes and a t t e m p t to get in touch with what it feels like to be a m e m b e r of this family, particularly in relation to every other member. Next they share their feelings and reflections and then the remainder of the group, who have been observing (sometimes with assigned tasks, such as what appear to be dominant family patterns) contribute their observations. The sculptor then reflects as much or as little as desirable on the correspondence between the reported dynamics of the sculpted family and their own perceptions. Variations may be introduced to illustrate the power of family systems: e.g., the sculptor may be asked to change the family in terms of " h o w y o u would have liked the family to be different," and the forces resistant to change quickly become evident. Because of the power of this non-verbal experience a debriefing process is essential to make sure the actors have n o t been inducted t o o much into the family system. This may be accomplished in various ways: e.g., have people close their eyes and imagine their own family of origin or, better yet, have each actor state h o w her/his family role was similar to and different from the sculpted family. Even after careful processing one needs to be aware of the lingering impact of the sculpted family image. For that reason also this is the one ex-

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ercise that we do not r e c o m m e n d that pastors introduce into their pastoral work unless they have had training in family therapy. Genograms Genograms resemble a family tree and the R o o t s p h e n o m e n o n has greatly added to their popularity} ° But a very significant difference exists. Names, birth and death dates, the essence of the family tree, comprise only part of the critical information for a genogram. To obtain this essential information, students often need to contact their families to fill in the e m p t y spaces in their knowledge. Using a large chalkboard or posterpaper, the genogram utilizes sew eral symbols to portray such important facts as: male and female (often a square and a circle); date and manner of deaths; marriage, divorce and remarriage; a d o p t e d and biological children; years between siblings; periods of family separation; fused, distant and conflicted relations, etc. Finally, a third, and most important, level of interpretation begins to emerge: viz., dominant intergenerational patterns. The striking p o w e r of these themes can only be appreciated by one who has dug into a genogram. The variations of course are infinite, b u t each one has the quality of a discovered gold mine within the family territory: e.g., in each generation the oldest son rebelled, the girls frequently became pregnant between 15 and 17, the men died a violent death in their forties (one man c o m m i t t e d suicide with the same gun used by his father), boys are more valued than girls in the family, every family had a good and a bad child, etc. Often naming is a means by which one side of the family maintains dominance. It is also an effective way of preserving lines of emotional linkage. A H o m e Visit Family therapists will sometimes be heard to remark, "a home visit is worth three or four clinical sessions." The nature of such a visit hardly resembles the traditional "pastoral call on the family." J2 Rather, a clinical h o m e visit entails going through the home from top to b o t t o m , noting sleeping arrangements, observing discrepancies in public and private spaces, getting a sense of whose personality the home reflects, taking into consideration who gets more or less space allotted, giving attention to issues of neatness and messiness, etc. Obviously issues of space, time and privacy mitigate against such a h o m e visit with students/trainees. Our alternative consists of "walk-

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ing through the h o m e " via the chalkboard. Every r o o m is carefully entered and described and the issues noted above are explored. While this technique works best when someone has lived in one h o m e for a while, it is also effective with those families who have built a house. The extensiveness of this process is reflected in the fact that one of us spent 45 minutes focusing u p o n the arrangement and processes which occurred in the family kitchen! Photographs Family photographs provide another valuable channel for revealing family relations and patternsJ 2 In this instance, participants are asked to bring in something like six to twelve photographs taken at different periods of their family's history including time prior to the student's entrance into the family. Ordinarily, the pictures are analyzed in response to such questions as: who is touching whom?; who t o o k the picture?; do the same people stand or sit next to one another?; do certain people always appear to be dominant?; do many or few photographs exist, and why?; are poses generally formal or informal (after sending their annual Christmas picture, one family discovered that the rebellious son, dapperly dressed in coat and tie, was barefooted!); etc. In one instance, photographs revealed an intriguing family characteristic: children only blossom after they leave home. Certain variations may be used to make this approach more challenging and engrossing. The group, for example, could be divided in thirds, each examining photographs of a different stage of developm e n t (e.g., infancy, latency and adolescence) and then comparing their observations. Family History In certain respects this technique resembles the traditional counseling/psychiatric intake except the emphasis is more u p o n the family patterns than individual dynamics. It is beneficial to preface the history with a brief genogram. A timeline is traced on the chalkboard, with special attention given to potentially significant developmental events: e.g., deaths, movies, births, extended periods of illness, separations, etc. In the process of taking this history critical events often have to be teased out, since they frequently lurk behind periods initially described in such terms as, "uneventful, .... n o t important," etc. One

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perennial clue betrays these revealing moments: the family dynamics have altered noticeably before and after the event. What a family history can illuminate most clearly are the patterns that repeat themselves with regularity and impede family change. One exercise enabled a student to see how his looking for new challenges continued his father's pattern of always leaving a parish when things were going well. A pastor recently identified a life pattern characterized by special consideration and being slightly ahead of the pack. This was triggered when he recalled receiving a bicycle at age nine even though every other child in the family had to wait until ten. Obviously these resources are not exclusive and combining their use (e.g., sculpting and family photographs) enhances their impact. It is impossible to predict what discoveries will be made about family dynamics. These experiential modalities in clinical training and seminary education often elicit other issues for professional formation: e.g., the family prince, encouraged by mother and in conflict with father, who constantly challenges supervisors, teachers and other authorities; the upwardly mobile member, ashamed of family background, who also exhibits difficulty in joining a training group or seminar; the parentified child, often female, who invariably finds her/himself assuming the role of group nurturer. Because of the complex struggle for new role possibilities that often run counter to family traditions, women will particularly benefit from thinking about ministry in relation to influences from their family of origin. Despite the painful material sometimes evoked and despite the resistance to exposing family secrets mentioned above, participants in these exercises often exhibit a greater freedom to explore issues since the juggernaut of causality is broken and the old linear immobilizers of guilt and blame have been replaced b~t recognizing patterns operative within the family process. In this latter process, all contribute to and are shaped by the systemic interaction. Conclusion We have a t t e m p t e d to begin an exploration of the implications of a family systems orientation for professional pastoral development. While it cannot be the only approach in ministerial formation, family systems thinking does facilitate an awareness of personal and professional interactional issues that hitherto have been overlooked. Obviously comprehensive research is needed to examine the heuristic suggestions we have offered.

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On the theological level, some images have also emerged from a family systems orientation that warrant further reflection. We have been intrigued, for example, at how often students/trainees will sculpt their family sitting around the dinner table. This power in eating together can inform the depth of meaning of the gathered eucharistic community. Secondly, individual existence that begins with differentiation from family can be enhanced theologically in terms of baptism. Because the baptized child of a family belongs as Well to God's family, that child cannot be possessed by her parents. In addition, viewing the Church as the family of God has had continuing meaning across the ages. Recently we have been made aware that the Fatherhood of God and brotherhood of man must be broadened to include motherhood and sisterhood as well. The role changes which are occurring in family life today will affect our experiencing the Church as family. Women in ministry will unavoidably change the ways in which congregations have functioned previously as singleparent families composed of fathers and children. A systems view of the family might help identify new familial patterns in congregational life and, thereby, enhance the development of a caring community which fosters human growth and celebrates diversity. Finally, it is our conviction that the systems approach to understanding people is the most useful and fundamentally creative therapeutic resource available for pastoral care today. In addition to enlivening the lost art of pastoral calling, a family systems orientation could significantly modify premarital conversations about "getting along with in-laws;" shift the pastoral focus sometimes from the hospitalized sick one to the family left at home; alert pastors to the impact on a family system when the first child leaves home, etc. It has the potential for the most extensive impact on pastoral care since Carl Rogers and client centered therapy helped pastors learn the art of listening. Reference Notes 1. For a recent attempt to delineate the developmental steps in a family's life see Sonya L. Rhodes, "A Developmental' Approach to the Life Cycle of the Family," Social Casework, Vol. 58, No. 2, 1977, pp. 301-311. See also, Jay Haley, Uncommon Therapy: The Psychiatric Techniques o f Milton Erikson (New York: W. W. Norton, 1973). 2. Nathan Ackerman, The Psychodynamics of Family Life (New York: Basic Books, 1958). N. Ackerman, Treating the Troubled Family (New York: Basic Books, 1958). 3. Salvador Minuchin, Families and Family Therapy (Cambridge, Massachusetts: Harvard University Press, 1974).

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4. M. Bouwen, "Toward the Differentiation of a Self in One's Own Family," in James Framo (ed.), Family Interaction: A Dialogue Between Family Researchers and Family Therapists (NewYork: Springer, 1972), pp. 111-166. I. Boszormenyi-Nagy and G. Sparks, Invisible Loyalties (NewYork: Harper and Row, 1974), pp. 37-52. 5. Norman Paul and B. Paul, A Marital Puzzle (NewYork: W. W. Norton, 1975). Lily Pincus, Death and the Family (NewYork: Pantheon, 1974). 6. Steven Lukes, Individualism (NewYork: Harper~ 1973). 7. L. von Bertalanffy, General System Theory (NewYork: George Braziller, 1968). Jean Piaget, Structuralism (NewYork: Basic Books, 1970). 8. E. Wertheim, " F a m i l y Unit Therapy and the Science and Typology of Family Systems," Family Process, Vol. 12, No. 4, 1973, pp. 361-376. E. Wertheim, "The Science and Typology of Family Systems II," Family Process, Vol. 14, No. 3, 1975. 9. Peggy Papp, Olga Silverstein and Elizabeth Carter, " F a m i l y Sculpting in Preventive Work with 'Well Families,'" Family Process, Vol. 12, No. 2, 1973. Frederick J. Duhl, David Kantor and Bunny S. Duhl, "Learning, Space, and Action in Family Therapy: A Primer of Sculpture," in Donald A. Bloch (ed), Techniques of Family Psychotherapy (NewYork: Grune & Stratton, 1973), pp. 47-64. 10. Philip J. Guerin, Jr., and Eileen G. Pendagast, "Evaluation of Family System and Genogram," in P. J. Guerin, Jr. (ed.), Family Therapy: Theory and Practice (NewYork: Gardner Press, 1976), pp. 450-464. 11. Donald A. Bloch, "A Clinical Home Visit," in Donald A. Bloch (ed.), Techniques of Family Psychotherapy (NewYork: Grune & Stratton, 1973), pp. 39-46. 12. Carol M. Anderson and Elaine S. Malloy, " F a m i l y Photographs: In Treatment and Training," Family Process, Vol. 15, No. 2, 1976, pp. 259-264.