International Journal for the Advancement of Counselling 9:273-278 (1986). © Martinus NijhoffPublishers, Dordrecht. Printed in the Netherlands.

USING E X T E N D E D FAMILY SYSTEM IN G U I D A N C E A N D C O U N S E L L I N G P R A C T I C E - THE NIGERIAN E X P E R I E N C E

M.P. M A L L U M

Faculty of Education, University of Jos - Nigeria

An extended family is a family in which the child's parents, brothers and sisters live together with other relatives. Many Nigerian homes are extended family homes. The traditional Nigerian extended family is often a polygamous one and as a result, the child has many mothers, brothers, sisters, aunts, grandmothers, cousins, co-wives of the fathers and many fathers, uncles, cousins, grandfathers (Durojaiye, 1976). Therefore, a child in an extended family setting is born into a warm, affectionate and welcoming culture where he is completely accepted by the entire family regardless of the economic or domestic strains in the family at the time of his arrival. In the early months of life, the child receives the constant attention of his mother, grandmother and other members of the extended family. As the child grows, he is sustained by the multiplicity of care that comes from all relatives. Thus the infant enjoys the warmth of the mothers' body and the nearness of all the members of the extended family. This situation so impressed Biesheuvel (1949) that he said: The Africaninfant'sexperienceseemsto be ideal. His needsare better cared for than usuallyobtains in Western Europe. It would seem that there is much to be said for adopting African practice in dealing with babies for the first few months of life.

Biesheuvel identified this practice as the African child's state of virtual symbiosis with its mother during the first eighteen months of life, a state of blissful security when all its needs are completely and promptly met. The extended family, therefore, makes the African child several people's relatives. As a result, the child has many people around, especially relatives, to take care of him any time he needs attention. Duroj aiye (1976) claimed that the traditional system of child rearing and family life promotes strongbonds of loyalty between family members and that the child grows into adulthood with a strong feeling of security. Cooperation and mutual

274 help are inculcated from infancy and the extended family members are confident that help, support and protection will always be forth coming from other members of the family whenever needed. The child thus develops an apparently healthy and secure personality which is protected against the rough and tumble of deprivations and want. He is well adjusted both to his environment and within him. Ugwuegbu, (1980) while writing on adolescent adults relationships in the extended family system stressed the assets of the extended family system in child development. He wrote that such a system enables the growing child to have a number of loving care-takers who are actively interested in him and his welfare. Furthermore, it affords the child many opportunities to develop his interpersonal skills as he relates to the family members who surround him. Thus the presence of grand-parents aids young parents in the problems that always accompany the rearing of small children. They are able to reassure the parents that their children's behaviour is not exceptional from the experience of the older generation. Young children in extended families always have play-mates and particularly in cultures where initiation occurs in groups. As they grow older, young people have a stable collection of their peers to whom they can relate in the members of their age sets. The psychological needs of the child are well catered for in the extended family system. Love and security are always present in the form of a large family circle. On extended family system in Nigeria, Fafunwa (1974) stressed that, 'the extended family system places the child in an advantageous position. The system enables the growing child to have a number of loving care-takers who are virtually interested in him and his welfare'. Also, talking about the advantages of extended family system in Nigeria, Lambo (1969) states that 'on the social context the psychological process of identification becomes diffuse, and less rigid. Thus early informal education is diversified and yet made easy to attain. Since the values in the community are represented in the values obtained in the extended family, socialization of the child along the lines acceptable to the community is simple and group membership is easily attained. Through his peers, many of whom are his cousins and halfsiblings, the child comes in contact with and assimilates the various attitudes, values and preferences of the community. Thus the way is prepared for successful formal education at school. On the maintenance of discipline amongst its members, the extended family has many rules binding the members. Otite and Ogionwo (1981) observed that a typical extended family imposes clear arbitrary restrictions on its young. These restrictions call for behaviours that demand conformity to important injuctions. These demands, particularly from the young, also guarantee their dependence on members of the extended family for sustenance and well being. Thus, according to Otite and Ogionwo (1981) most Nigerian parents are strict disciplinarians who expect unquestioning obedience from their children. They contend that family

275 values always emphasize respect for elders and for those who occupy certain important traditional kinship status. It is, therefore, considered extremely important for the young to listen with passive difference and to manifest outward docility when they are dealing with their elders and their traditional supervisors. However, many adolescents are often confronted with problems and difficulties in the extended family stiuation. There is generally a feeling, amongst these youngsters, that too many people are concerned with their disciplines, a situation which tends to lead them to confusion in standards. Durojaiye (1976) in his investigation carried out among 4000 Nigerian children from both primary and secondary schools revealed the following about their various extended families: 80 per cent reported interferencefrom grand parents, aunts, and uncles in disciplineat home; 92 per cent complainedof lack of clear standards to follow;91 per cent complainedthat running errands for relatives interferred with their school work; and 78 per cent justified the need to lie as a means of escaping blames from others. These revelations contrast with his (Durojaiye 1976) findings amongst children from nuclear families. He contends that no more than 47 per cent of children from these families reported any of the findings associated with those of the polygamous ones. Certain authorities contend that offsprings from extended families are often confronted with major tasks to contend with. For young girls, in particular, a polygamous family situation may give rise to very conflicting feelings. Conflicting feelings amongst many an adolescent might lead to an adoption of what Peck and Havighurst (1967) call the 'irrational - conscientious' character as a way of life. In this situation, the person follows only what she believes to be right. According to Peck and Havighurst (1967) the person feels very guilty if she has not been true to her conscience even when her conscience is mistaken. She would violate the demands of her social group rather than the dictates of her conscience. She fails to consider the situation, the time and other factors. This, according to them, is typical adolescent idealism. Also, a similar finding was recorded in India that adolescent girls may be more stressed in the extended family system than adolescent boys. A study of the extended family system within a Hindu culture done by Khatri (quoted by Parabli 1976) suggested that such a system provides less congenial climate for girls than it does for boys. This finding is probably related to clashes between traditional Hindu views on male-female relationships within the family and the increasing tendency for young Indian girls to want the same educational opportunities as their male peers. Thus it can be seen that the extended family system, despite its strengths, may place some specific strains on adolescents. These strains relate mostly to forging an independent identity when there is a multiplicity of adult figures within the

276 family. And for girls in particular, there may be difficulty in reconciling expectations and values arising from being educated within the formal schools setting and traditional views of the role of females in the family. In Nigeria today, pressure, from different parts of family regarding different issues have led to psychological, social, vocational, economical and moral crisis which calls for the service of the guidance counsellor whose professional interest is to help the individual or group to adjust or solve their problems which may be educational, personal-social, vocational, economical or moral in nature. Having delved exhaustively with strengths and weaknesses and the role of the extended family system in Nigeria, it is pertinent here to enumerate the contributions that guidance and counselling can make in promoting and improving some of the advantages obtained from the extended family system and therefore reducing the shortcomings imposed by the system. The role of the extended family system cannot be separated from the roles of guidance and counselling. The basic goals of guidance and counselling (Shertzer & Stone, 1976) are to help the individual to make progress in the following ways: a) To understand the individual self; to know his points of strength and weakness. b) To strive for improvement and growth to the fullest possible extent. c) To learn efficiently and to adapt himself satisfactorily to varied changing situations within his environment; to be willing to make changes in behaviour and attitude and thereby gain greater personal satisfaction in as many aspect of his life as possible. In pre-colonial era, the training of Nigerians for the necessary skills was organised formally at home, in the families, in the village square and at moon light game for definite purposes. These purposes were clearly understood by the adult citizens who imparted skills such as the practical transmission of local custom, mores, religious and social values and how to carry forward subsistent economy from one generation to another. The adults stood watchful to correct deviation from the accepted norms and practices. In this traditional way, children, youths and adults continued to learn and carry forward the traditions of the groups, race or society. This was the purpose of education which Nigeria simply organised to achieve group cohesion and identity. Education insisted on practical usefulness in fending for oneself, one's family and one's extended family through honest farm work, trading and cooperative contributory societies. But today, our society is no longer simple. It is becoming a complex one as knowledge itself is widening and unending. Hence the need for proper guidance and counselling and for organizing formal ways of knowing. The schools endeavour to teach the children the necessary skills in order to equip them for the future. For the acquisition of these skills to be effective and less difficult, the youths need to be guided in choosing from the numerous alternatives, in planning,

277 preparing, entering and advancing in the world of work. To this end, the need for an organized guidance program in our institutions of learning more particularly in the secondary schools cannot be neglected. However, most Nigerians should know by now that, the home with the society is no longer the inclusive focus of its member's interests. Because of this the home's common interests are increasingly being restricted to limited functions, and the breakdown or disappearance of the family as a social work unit is pessimistically seen as inevitable. In this respect, the psychological protection often enjoyed by the youths from the cohesive unit of the extended family is fast disappearing. Thus this function has to be taken over by the schools. But for schools to excel in this added function, guidance and counselling becomes imperative in which the child would be assisted in tackling the psychological bottlenecks and 'storm and stress' characteristics of the adolescent period. This will provide platform for smooth transition into the world of adults.

Summary One of the greatest strengths of Nigerian society is the extended family system. This can be a great support being a more effective institution than the welfare state of other communities. In recent times however, with the advent of a wage economy many of the traditional responsibilities are now limited to the wage earners. However, no interpersonal system is wholly without weakness. Within the extended family system the multiplicity of relationships sometimes leads to jealousies and rivalries and it is often the young adolescent who is affected by these as his sensitivity towards the feelings of others increases. Thus, it can be seen that the extended family system, despite its strengths, may place some specific strains on society and adolescents. These strains relate mostly to forging an independent identity when there is a multiplicity of adult figures within the family. Guidance service therefore, can provide parents with vocational, educational, personal-social information which will make them better informed in their planning situations with children. This could result in sounder expectations and decisions. Counsellors can assist parents in obtaining the assistance of private and community agencies and organisations which help children who need such attention because of physical and emotional problems. Because personal problems of the students or individuals sometimes arise in the home or at least are contributed to by the home situation, the teacher or the counsellor may find it necessary to make direct contact with parents and the community. Never before have the school counsellors in Nigeria been so critically needed,

278 and seldom have we (counsellors) been faced with responsibilities and tasks whose results could determine, in a significant way, the success or failure of the extended family system. For counsellors and teachers, as leaders in the academic enterprise, it is a time of challenge and opportunity to make a contribution. Guidance services are concerned with satisfying youths and adults to resolve their emotional, personal-social issues for better adjustment to life goals generally. Therefore, as teachers and counsellors there is a pressing need for a realization of the new roles which schools must play to satisfy the needs of the adolescent in the Nigerian society. Our schools must assume new functions which would enable them to take over effectively the roles which were originally assigned and performed by extended families. A typical African child, according to Durojaiye (1976), has 'need for affection , belonging, achievement, social recognition, independence and self-esteem'. These psychological needs have significant bearings on the work of teachers and counsellors in African schools. Their roles must now consist largely in creating avenues for making it easy for pupils to satisfy their needs, to provide alternative means of satisfying these needs, to create desirable needs for pupils to satisfy and to create opportunities for the correction of undesirable ones. The appreciation of these new roles, among other things, imply that our teachers and counsellors must understand and be patient with pupils' requirements for need satisfaction.

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