Media Column Looking for Love? Take a Cross-Cultural Walk Through the Personals Ranna Parekh, M.D. Eugene V. Beresin, M.D. Personal advertisements are powerful windows into understanding individuals, societal trends, and cultural values. “Personals” in the United States and elsewhere offer a unique opportunity to understand societal changes and cross-cultural issues. As one study demonstrates, personals reflect the societal importance placed on thinness in American women. A cross-cultural study shows how personals are used in understanding the American value of individualism and the Chinese values of family and society. Personals in an Indian newspaper and an Indian-American newspaper both demonstrate Indian values, yet the latter shows hints of American acculturation. For psychiatrists, the personals may be an important way to understand patients and their social and cultural contexts. Patients’ ads may help the psychiatrist and patient understand the patients’ values and fantasies, aid in treatment, and help form relationships. (Acad Psychiatry 2001; 25:223–233)

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ersonal advertisements are everywhere—in the last pages of newspapers, magazines, and even grocery store leaflets. They are used by many people across the United States, transcending socioeconomic and subcultural differences. The interest in “personals” is not just a national phenomenon. They can be found in print media in many countries, including China and India. The ubiquitous nature of personals make them powerful windows into understanding individuals, societal forces, and cultural issues. For psychiatrists, the personals provide another tool for assessment of the cultural and social contexts in which patients live and form relationships. The advertisements also provide a unique medium to understand and to treat patients who use them. This article discusses the literature on personals and mate selection in the United States and internationally. First, it makes the hypothesis that the history of personals and the recent increased interest in them reflects an important sociological trend in America. Specifically, as Americans become more mobile and busy, individuals feel alienated and often lonely. For some Americans who have postponed marriage for careers, traditional social scenes like college cam-

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puses no longer provide a forum to meet people. The personals, which have also evolved over time, allow people to find others who may feel like them. They provide a venue for a variety of human connections with an increasing number of people seeking relationships. The second major focus of this article is the use of personals in understanding cultures and crosscultural differences. Studies of American personals show that individualism is strongly valued and permeates many aspects of American culture. In contrast, Chinese personals reflect the importance of family and community, even at the expense of individual needs. Within the United States and China, there are gender differences in selecting ideal mates. We explore the gender differences within each country and cross-culturally. Third, this article looks at actual personal adverDr. Parekh is at the Department of Psychiatry, Massachusetts General Hospital, Boston, MA. Address correspondence to Dr. Parekh, Department of Psychiatry, WAC 725C, Massachusetts General Hospital, 55 Fruit St., Boston, MA 02114. e-mail: [email protected] Copyright 䉷 2001 Academic Psychiatry.

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tisements from two newspapers, The Times of India, which is published and distributed predominantly in India, and India Abroad, which is published in New York and targets Indian expatriates living in America. Advertisements from each publication reflect traditional Indian values; however, the latter shows a subtle shift toward an American and a more Western way of living and thinking. Finally, this article summarizes some of the major contributions personal ads have made in understanding individuals, societal values, and cross-cultural issues. It also discusses the possibilities for future research. With limited studies on personals, these advertisements provide fertile opportunity to explore other cross-cultural issues and important but constantly changing social trends. The history of personals begins in the 1800s. Although researchers disagree on the exact antecedents to contemporary personal advertisements, most believe some form of them began during this time period. As early American settlers migrated to the Northwest, mail-order brides found a place in nineteenth-century America (1). It is unclear how the exact communication was made, but the need for relationships—brides, in this case—is evident. Another type of publication during this time-period was “verbal advertisements.” Before the advent of print media, some people used word-of-mouth to communicate their own or others’ needs for relationships. Verbal advertisements informed people who was available and for what type of relationship. Along the same lines, matchmaking sprouted and predominated among immigrants of the late nineteenth century and early twentieth century (1). Initially used by religious groups and minority populations, matchmaking eventually diverged from the path leading to today’s personals. Soon after the advent of newspapers, written personals appeared. These perhaps most resemble contemporary personals. One of the first advertisements appeared in a Jewish-American newspaper from the 1910s, The Forward. Still rare, personal ads soon found their way into mainstream view, if not mainstream culture, when they appeared in New York’s trendsetting The Village Voice. The first personal in The Village Voice was published in January 1957 (1). Early advertisements in this weekly paper represented the counterculture: individuals seeking non-mainstream relationships, such as discreet extramarital affairs. In the next decades, other periodicals 224

followed with their own personal advertisements. The 1980s created an explosion of the personals (1,2). They found a regular place in the advertisement sections of papers around the country. Today, as the research below supports, they have become a popular and a viable means for singles to meet new people (2). Since the 1980s, the popularity of personal advertisements has soared. There are many reasons for their recent popularity, and their use may signify a change in today’s American society. Studies indicate that people who date find personals to be an important means of meeting others (2,3). As noted earlier, personals have always helped people make human connections. So perhaps the modern-day use of personals and, more important, their recent popularity, suggests an important sociological trend in America. The personals today may serve to help a society of people who feel disconnected and alone by reconnecting them with others. Today’s personals are popular among society’s educated and single (1). The rising divorce rate over the last 25 years has led to more singles and older singles (4). Also, younger generations continue to postpone marriage until educational or financial goals are achieved. Since the women’s movement began in the 1960s, women in particular have delayed marrying and starting families in order to develop their careers. These trends have added to the increasing number of educated singles. Interestingly, the rising number of available singles parallels the dramatic rise in use of personals during the same time-period. Also, the older age of today’s singles is reflected in the age of people using the personals. People using the personals today are rarely under the age of 20 years (5). As people wait longer to get married, they forfeit meeting and selecting mates in traditional places like high school and college, which are inherently social places for people naturally to connect around common educational and social interests. Although this may explain why personals have had a growing place in our society, especially among educated singles, it doesn’t entirely explain why they would be used over other traditional social meeting places like bars, clubs, and parties. One possibility is that, for educated and upwardly mobile people, these venues may seem distasteful because they often emphasize outward appearances. Also, although the club scene may be the forum for some people, many others view clubs as a place for anything but a relaAcademic Psychiatry, 25:4, Winter 2001

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tionship. Finally, with the scare of HIV and sexually transmitted diseases, the bar and club scenes have proven to engender concern for all people. There are, however, other societal forces that keep people from meeting people. First on the list is the increasing industriousness and mobility of Americans. People are working long hours, and this has cut into time for leisure and relationships. For these people, finding others to date can be difficult when they have limited time to build the social contacts necessary for meeting people. For them, columns of personal advertisements offer a quick and decent overview of compatible mates (6). Moreover, for today’s busy young people, whose leisure time is at a premium, personals are a big time-saver (1). Personals also may be the best option for those working in businesses where strict no-dating policies prevent people from finding love in the proximal workplace environment. There is also wariness of sexual harassment and stalking these days. Aside from limited time and busy work schedules, Americans continue to be mobile. Frequent moves may result in disconnection from friends and family. As people leave their hometowns for college, graduate school, and work, they lose valuable family and neighborhood supports and, also, contacts for meeting other people. For these people, the personals provide a way to stay connected with others and a way to meet “significant others” who, in another era, might have been introduced by community networks. Jason et al. (2) tested the popularity of personals in an anonymous survey to 400 writers of personal ads in three major newspapers/magazines: The Chicago Tribune, The Weekly (Seattle), and Washingtonian (Washington, DC). The survey asked for demographic information, reasons for using the personals, and perceptions of the success of advertisements in making relationships. The response rate was approximately 22 percent, or 88 people. It is important to note that this response is low, and the following results may be influenced by selection bias. It may be that those most serious about finding relationships or those most successful with the personals responded to the survey. Also, the researchers note another bias in this study: Both The Weekly and Washingtonian may have an affluent and upwardly mobile readership. Hence, although the results are interesting and may reflect the population of personal-ad writers in this survey, it does not represent all of them. Academic Psychiatry, 25:4, Winter 2001

Of those who responded to the survey, the mean age was 35 years, with slightly more male respondents than female respondents (47 men, 41 women). Sixty percent were single advertisers, and the average income was $28,000. About 22 percent had a high school education or less, over 50 percent held a master’s or doctorate degree, and 15 percent had some college experience. Reasons given for using the personals suggested that the individuals were highly mobile, recently single, and removed from family contacts (2). Specifically, 85 percent of the responders were new to the area; 54 percent lacked family contact; and 69 percent felt that an urban setting was isolating. Overall, responders felt that using the personals was a positive experience and rated it a 4.7 on a scale of 1 to 6 (positive experience). On average, 33 responses were received from each advertisement that was placed over a 2-week period. Seventy-six percent of advertisers reported meeting and liking one respondent, and 69 percent met a respondent twice. As the study above and others demonstrate, the personals can offer an alternative way of meeting people in today’s society. For patients who frequently seek the help of psychiatrists in order to better their relationships, it may be an increasingly talked-about dating method in therapy; hence, it is important for psychiatrists to know the culture of the personals and how they work. For example, the average personal advertisement can receive multiple responses. Most newspapers and magazines charge a modest fee for advertising, but some are free. The process of placing an advertisement and responding to one can be relatively simple and straightforward. Like the places where one finds mates, personal advertisements have an inherent screen. For example, The New York Review of Books targets a liberal and professional audience, and, hence, it is likely that both advertiser and responder are liberal and professional (1). Also, there is an inherent socioeconomic screen in the price that one may have to pay to advertise or to respond. Some publications are free to advertise, and others have fees for not only each word but voice mailboxes. In using the personals, one needs to know the readership of the publication in order to anticipate the background of the advertiser and the responder. The personals, like other methods of meeting people, has its own language of communication. For example, “SWF” stands for “single white female,” 225

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and “DBM” means “divorced black male.” Some vocabulary is more challenging, and includes “POSSLQs,” which means “persons of opposite sex sharing living quarters.” In general, most print media carrying personals will include a legend to guide readers. People who use personals note that it can take some time to learn how to interpret the message “between the lines.” Just as learning how to read the personals takes time, so does learning how to write them. An initial concern that many people have is writing their own advertisements. Some people are afraid of disclosing too much or not enough and thereby not attracting the right person. For patients who write, respond to, or just peruse the personals, these simple advertisements can be like a Rorschach psychological test. For example, how a patient describes himself in these ads may indicate how he views himself. The ads to which he or she responds may describe what the patient really values. And, finally, what the patient has to say about the ads may describe how he sees the world and the people around him. Although most research on personals has been conducted within departments of sociology and psychology, some essential ideas in this area have been published in business marketing and advertisement journals. By definition, personals are advertisements, and people are the commodities being advertised to be sold in a market where basic principles of supplyand-demand exist. For many, the notion that finding love could be put in terms of resource exchanges is simplistic and underestimates the complexity of interpersonal relationships. Hence, perhaps the most controversial aspect of personals ads surrounds the issue of marketing “people as products . . . [and thinking of advertisements] as complex heterogeneous resources of exchange” (7). In her research, Hirschman states, “like advertisements in a traditional marketing context, personal ads list a set of ‘presumed’ desirable properties . . . that are put forward to attract potential buyers.” (7) Hirschman may be suggesting an important dating strategy: that people know what they have to offer and are attuned to what is desirable in their respective societies. Other business forces, such as economic return, have also contributed to the publishing of personals. In many publications, advertisers pay a fee for the placement of advertisements, responses, and, if available, voice mailboxes. Like other advertisements, es226

pecially popular ones, print media rely on personals for revenue, and, in return, advertisers are guaranteed readership. Whether the personals represent people as commodities or people looking for connections, their omnipresence makes them a rich data source for research into American society’s emphasis on attractiveness and, more recently, on thinness. In 1990, Smith and Waldorf (8) studied the sociocultural pressures on women to be thin and physically attractive. Using New Mexico’s singles magazine, On The Scene, from January to June 1989, they studied 283 male and 231 female ads and ranked the 10 characteristics most frequently listed as desirable in a mate by men and women. Both genders shared 9 out of 10 characteristics; exceptions unique to each gender were “adventuresome” for a woman and “financially stable” for a man. The results, listed in Table 1, show that first on the list of men’s preferences is physical attractiveness (56.9%), with a distant second place for understanding (39.6%). For women, physical attractiveness placed sixth (26.4%) in importance, and understanding (52%) led the list, with humor (41.1%) placing second (8). Not surprisingly, physical attractiveness surpassed other qualities desired by men and was listed twice as often in men’s ads as women’s ads (8). This disparity in importance of beauty is well noted in other studies. Evolution-based theories suggest that a woman’s physical attractiveness correlates with her youth and, hence, fertility. Surprisingly, this study did not rank women’s preference for financial security higher. Other studies have concluded that only this male attribute is equally exchangeable for that of beauty in women (7). In this same study, physical attractiveness as a category was further scrutinized. Table 2 shows the components within the “physical characteristic” category and their ranking and percentages (8). Strikingly, one-third of men (33.6%) stated a weight preference, in that they preferred “thin” or “petite” women. Unfortunately, this study did not assess how people described themselves in the ads and whether women perceived being thin as an attribute. Other research showing men’s preferences for thin women is complemented by women’s eager self-descriptions of being thin (5). Research by Lynn and Shurgot (3) demonstrated that disclosures of weight had an impact on the number of responses women received Academic Psychiatry, 25:4, Winter 2001

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from their advertisements, which may further affect women’s descriptions of weight. Examples of personals from The Boston Phoenix, below, mirror some of the findings of the Smith and Waldorf study (8) done in New Mexico. Note that both the male and female advertiser emphasize weight in the woman. BRAD PITT look-a-like (I’m told), SWM, 6⬘, 30s, with Ph.D. in foreign literature, seeks thin, intellectual woman, 20s–30s for coffee, films, and weekend adventures. CONSTRUCTION: Sweet, blonde, fit, tanned model, seeks good-looking construction worker for friendship/relationship. Loves trucks, 4wheeling, the outdoors. — An active man with a life or a motorcycle (or both).

Personals may enable us to recognize societal trends like the value of thinness; however, they also depict unchanging and traditional values in our society. Most personals in the United States, with the exception of certain ethnic papers to be discussed later, are a function of individuals who advertise or respond on behalf of themselves. Americans value TABLE 1.

being able to ascertain on their own what they need and want. The approach to many things, including the selection of a mate, is based on what is best for the individual. Also, Americans value the right to have lots of choices. This is most evident in business and trade. Personals in America, like other advertisements, offer people a variety of options. One can advertise almost anything about oneself and can even obscure the truth. Likewise, consumers have the right to buy or reject anything. In a country where individualism and choices are highly valued, the personals provide a way for people to advertise anything about themselves and to take the responsibility to choose, from among many choices, what they perceive is best for them. It also allows people to market what they believe will have the greatest appeal, with the general tendency being, as in all advertising, to focus on the positive and not the negative. The interest in personals is not confined to the United States. Their presence in other countries allows for interesting cross-cultural comparisons. Just as personals in America reflect traditional values as well as gender differences and time-limited trends, comparison of personals from different cultures may

Top 10 characteristics sought in a potential partner

Rank

Men Desire a Woman Who Is

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8.5 8.5 10

Physically attractive Understanding Wanting a commitment Athletic Intelligent Outdoors type Humorous Emotionally healthy Nonsmoker/smoker Adventuresome

Percentage of Men 56.9 39.6 38.5 34.3 26.2 21.9 20.8 18.4 18.4 17.7

Women Desire a Man Who Is

Percentage of Women

Understanding Humorous Athletic Emotionally healthy Wanting a commitment Physically attractive Nonsmoker/smoker Financially stable Intelligent Outdoors type

52.0 41.1 31.2 30.7 27.7 26.4 24.7 22.1 22.1 19.9

Note: From Smith and Waldorf8 (p. 679). Reprinted by permission of Plenum Publishing.

TABLE 2.

Comparison of physical attractiveness characteristics sought by men and women in a potential partner

Physical Attractiveness Characteristic Any feature Facial feature Body feature Weight Multiple items: ⬎2 adjectives

Men Requesting the Characteristic (%)

Women Requesting the Characteristic (%)

v2

P

56.9 41.3 41.0 33.6 20.5

26.4 16.9 22.1 2.2 5.2

48.17 36.00 20.74 50.05 25.31

0.0001 0.0001 0.0001 0.0001 0.0001

Note: From Smith and Waldorf8 (p. 680). Reprinted by permission of Plenum Publishing.

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offer an opportunity to understand why and how they are different. Most American psychiatrists will have patients of different ethnic backgrounds in their practice at some point, and the way these patients approach life and, especially, relationships may be clarified by understanding the personal ads of their country of origin. One recent study examined personals in China and compared them with their American counterparts. Since the 1980s, China has also witnessed a rise in personal ads, and they are viewed as an important medium for meeting people (9). Pang Linlin’s research is a comparative study of American and Chinese personal advertisements. The Chinese ads and Linlin’s analysis of them are valuable in understanding the Chinese culture through mate selection. Linlin reviews the work of Chinese researchers who studied 380 Chinese ads. Not noted was the exact source of the Chinese ads or dates of the advertisements. Table 3 lists the self-descriptions used by Chinese advertisers and their frequency. Table 4 lists characteristics sought in a mate. The majority of Chinese advertisers described their gender, age, occupation, height, education, facial features, and personal characteristics. What they looked for in a mate coincided somewhat with self-descriptions, especially in terms of age, personal characteristics, marital status, and height (8).

TABLE 3.

Self-descriptions by Chinese advertisers

Characteristic Gender Age Occupation Physical height Education Facial features Marital status Personal character Health Shared interests Income Family economic condition Housing Career-mindedness Seriousness/sincerity Slender figure Non-smoker/non-alcohol user Note: Adapted from Linlin 19939 (p. 164).

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Percentage Including This Characteristic 100 100 94.7 92.3 81 73.3 72.4 69 59 30.7 25.7 17.7 16.7 14.3 6 6 5

Table 5 lists characteristics sought by male advertisers, and Table 6 lists characteristics sought by female advertisers. Interestingly, most men had similar preferences, in that most wanted single and honest women who were also shorter and younger than themselves (9). Women’s preferences also tended to be homogeneous; most wanted men who were older and taller than themselves (over 170 cm [5⬘6⬙]) and men who were professional and resolute in making decisions (9). Pang Linlin draws many conclusions from his analysis of Chinese personal advertisements. First, it is noteworthy that all the Chinese advertisers were interested in marriage and having families. Age and gender were put in all advertisements because every personal advertisement in China must be officially TABLE 4.

Descriptions of ideal mates by Chinese advertisers Percentage Including This Characteristic

Characteristic Age Personal character Marital status Physical height Education Facial features Health Occupation Place of residence Career-mindedness Mutual loyalty

81.4 68.2 66.2 55.9 44.2 40 39.8 34.8 24.9 22.2 14

Note: Adapted from Linlin 19939 (p. 165).

TABLE 5.

Characteristics of ideal mates of male Chinese advertisers Percentage Specifying

Characteristic Never married Honest/sincere Younger Shorter than 169 cm in height Attractive Healthy Educated Kind Gentle Professional Straight-minded

89.9 83.1 61.9 51.6 47.2 44 28.9 23.3 22 15.1 10.1

Note: Adapted from Linlin 19939 (p. 166).

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approved by the workplace of the advertiser before its publication. Hence, unlike American advertisers, who were individualistic in what they chose to reveal about themselves, Chinese society and the community forces dictated essential biodata of individuals. Also, traditional marriage patterns adhered to in China are reflected in the ads. For example, husbands are expected to be older than their wives. Linlin explains that this is because the husband is in the dominant position in the relationship, and he is not only expected to be older, but also taller and of higher financial stature. The health of spouses was also prominent in Chinese personal advertisements because marriage is considered a lifetime relationship. Chinese culture values chastity in its women and neglects it in men; hence, Chinese men were more concerned than Chinese women that their ideal mates never have been married. An interesting omission in Chinese advertisements was humor. Although humor is appropriate in public life and among friends and relatives, it is rarely expected to be important in a marriage (9). Both the American and Chinese studies described above demonstrate how personal advertisements can be used to understand sociocultural issues through mate selection. In 1989, Buss, a well-known evolutionary psychologist who has studied mate selection internationally, asked over 10,000 men and women from 37 countries and 6 continents to rank top characteristics they valued in potential mates. In a for-

TABLE 6.

Characteristics of ideal mates of female Chinese advertisers

Characteristic Being older Resolute Educated Professional 170 cm. or taller Career-minded Certain place of residence Healthy Never married Attractive Loyal Caring and loving Shared interests Open-mindedness Note: Adapted from Linlin9 (p. 166).

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Percentage Specifying 76.7 70 59.1 54 50.3 45.3 41.6 37.2 36.5 30.7 29.9 25.3 8 7.3

midable study, people around the world were given the same questionnaire, translated into 37 languages. If people could not read, the questionnaires were read to them. Buss and his researchers asked these 10,000 men and women to review 18 traits and rate the importance of each trait in choosing a mate (9,10). Table 7 lists the results of this study (10). Buss found that men and women around the world wanted the same things in a mate; at the top of the list was “love.” Hatfield and Rapson (10), who have studied cross-cultural perspectives on relationships, note that Buss and others show that young couples are “gaining power to marry someone they love (10).” In fact, American studies in the 1980s and 1990s suggest that the gains women have made in social, legal, and economic realms allow them to put love ahead of pragmatic considerations in mate selection (10). Before the 1980s, many American men had the luxury of waiting for the best catch or holding out for love before marrying, whereas women did not. Over the last couple of decades, both genders have been insisting on love, although the meaning of love has been somewhat ambiguous. But how do men and women of other countries feel about this issue of love and its prerequisite for marriage? In 1994, Robert Levine and his colleagues (10) asked college students in 11 countries if they would be willing to marry someone whom they did not love, even if the person had all of the other qualities they desired. The results are listed in Table 8. Four countries—India, Pakistan, Thailand, and the Philippines—had the highest percentage of college students who were willing to marry someone whom they did not love. These outliers may have responded this way for many reasons. First, these were the only underdeveloped countries where economic factors may drive many marriages and may make pragmatic concerns a priority. Also, these four countries placed strong value on the input of extended families and, overall, were collectivist, rather than individualistic, societies (10). Although the Buss and Levine study is interesting, some of their conclusions differ from the findings seen in the previous studies discussed. This difference may be accounted for by the fact that Buss and Levine did not look at personal ads, so one might argue that advertisements may not reflect true mate preferences, in that perhaps what people want and what they actually advertise about themselves or to 229

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TABLE 7.

Importance of 18 various traits in mate-selection throughout the world

Men’s Ranking of Importance

Women’s Ranking of Importance

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18.

Mutual attraction, love Dependable character Emotional stability and maturity Pleasing disposition Good health Education and intelligence Sociability Desire for home and children Refinement, neatness Good looks Ambition and industrious Good cook and housekeeper Good financial prospect Similar education Favorable social status or rating Chastity (no previous experience in sexual intercourse) Similar political background Similar political background

Mutual attraction, love Dependable character Emotional stability and maturity Pleasing disposition Education and intelligence Sociability Good health Desire for home and children Ambition and industrious Refinement, neatness Similar education Good financial prospect Good looks Favorable social status or rating Good cook and housekeeper Similar religious background Similar religious background Chastity (no previous experience in sexual intercourse)

Note: Based on Hatfield and Rapson10 (p. 28).

TABLE 8.

If a man (woman) had all the other qualities you desired, would you marry this person if you were not in love with him (her)? Response (Percentage)

Country

Yes

Undecided

No

Australia Brazil England Hong Kong India Japan Mexico Pakistan Philippines Thailand United States

4.8 4.3 7.3 5.8 49.0 2.3 10.2 50.4 11.4 18.8 3.5

15.2 10.0 9.1 16.7 26.9 35.7 9.3 10.4 25.0 47.5 10.6

80.0 85.7 83.6 77.6 24.0 62.0 80.5 39.1 63.6 33.8 85.9

Note: Based on Hatfield and Rapson10 (p. 31).

whom they actually respond may be different. Alternatively, it may just be a function of difficulties in translating in print what one wants or has. Or maybe what people say they want in a mate, theoretically, as in a survey, may not be as accurate as what they actually seek, as in the personals. Part of the reason the studies about personal ads and mate selection are challenging to interpret may be due to the powerful nature of the advertisements themselves. Every aspect of personals gives information—from the language used, to the paper in which they appear, to the societal and cultural con230

texts driving them. Also, there is an individual voice within each ad that needs to be identified and understood juxtaposed to the culture and societal forces around it. The personals below were obtained from The New York Review of Books. WOMAN OF SUBSTANCE SOUGHT by attractive N.Y. SJM computer consultant, 37, warm, sentimental, playful, and fit, with diverse pleasures, ranging from the serious (opera, linguistics, literature) to the pedestrian (well, I love to walk), to the downright silly (no confessions in print). Seeking a strong, spirited woman to share culture and kisses, books and sighs. Photo appreciated. LOOKING DOWN THE ROAD NOT TAKEN: WWM, 64, Manhattan intellectual, urbane, amicable, aesthetic, vigorous, sensual, spontaneous, sensible, secure, seeks woman with similar attributes to accompany him as he ventures, renascent into the terra incognita of singlehood (or simply to enjoy each other).

Like the personal ads seen earlier from The Boston Phoenix, personals from The New York Review of Books also describe people who are looking for relationships of varying sorts. However, the ads are different in many others ways. First, The Boston Phoenix is a free publication, where ad placement is also free, but responses are not. Interested parties can contact the advertiser via phone at a cost that is charged by the Academic Psychiatry, 25:4, Winter 2001

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minute. The New York Review of Books is not a free publication, and customers pay to place an ad or to respond to one. Unlike The Boston Phoenix, there is also the option of having a voice mailbox for a fee. In terms of content, these particular Boston advertisements appeared more interested in physical characteristics and, in some cases, asked for or described a specific look. The New York advertisements made references to physical traits but appeared to emphasize intellectual qualities. Advertisements in The New York Review of Books were somewhat verbose, with references to literary works, which one would expect from a publication that reviews books. The two American publications, The Boston Phoenix and The New York Review of Books, have personals representing different sectors of society, and, juxtaposed to each other, they may seem worlds apart. However, upon closer examination, the personals in both papers demonstrate shared American values of individualism through self-advertisement and the freedom of multiple choices. The two personals below appeared in Indian and Indian-American newspapers. The first appeared in The Times of India, a leading national newspaper in India, and the second appeared in India Abroad, a weekly newspaper published in New York targeting Indian expatriates living in North American and Europe. Originally from The Times of India (11): Alliance invited from parents of Sindhi only fair tall son, September 75/177/10,000 B.Com/DVES; well-established business, non-smoker, nondrinker, vegetarian from Sindhi, tall, good-looking, professionally educated girl. Preferably Doctor/ Engineer/ Lawyer/ CA; response with photograph; horoscope compulsory.

From India Abroad: Telugu Brahmin young man: aged 28, B.E. Mechanical from India, Masters in Manufacturing Eng. from USA. Vegetarian, 5⬘10⬙, tall, fair, goodlooking. Prefer professionally qualified girl, 5⬘3⬙ and above, who is adaptable and has respect for traditional values.

Like their American counterparts, both of these advertisements appear in the last pages of their respective newspapers. Instead of being under the heading of Personals, these advertisements come under the column heading, Matrimonial AdvertiseAcademic Psychiatry, 25:4, Winter 2001

ments. Hence, unlike other American personals, the objective of these ads is clear from this heading: the advertisers are marriage-minded. Also, note that both advertisements mention the community, language, and caste in the first lines and may expect similar backgrounds in the responders. With Indian advertisements, parents are usually in charge of advertising and responding. This further shows that marriage is a family matter and, in some cases, may mean that marriages are completely arranged by parents. In the advertisement from India Abroad, it is not entirely clear whether a parent is advertising or it is a selfadvertisement. Indeed, within the Matrimonial columns of India Abroad, there are an increasing number of advertisements that appear to be written by Indian-Americans themselves. This may represent a shift in values from family and community interests to individual responsibility for choosing a mate. Also, increasingly, advertisements in India Abroad describe personal likes and dislikes (11). Like the Chinese personal ads described by Pang Linlin, Indian personal ads will frequently mention height and age. Traditionally, Indian parents want wives younger and shorter than husbands (11). Although Indians insist that personal interests and compatibility are increasingly demanded, these ads don’t show the emphasis on individual preferences except when these qualities are also valued by society, for example vegetarianism and not smoking. From these two ads, it is clear that collective ideals are valued, sometimes at the expense of the individual. Both advertisements also emphasize important Indian values of education and marriage. Although the ads appear similar in values, embedded in each is an individual. With careful scrutiny, one can discern an individual, different from the individual in the adjacent advertisement. It is often just a rare adjective or a different phrasing of cultural values that separates the people in the ads. Although personal ads represent individuals, the greatest contribution to research, as seen in this article, comes in understanding personal ads collectively. The research reviewed in this article shows the value of personals in understanding the American value system. Americans value individualism and having choices in many areas of their lives, including mate selection. They also want to have choices in the types of relationships they seek and accept the responsibilities that come with this choice. In contrast, Chinese and Indian personal ads emphasize the values 231

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of community and family. All Chinese ads include descriptors such as age and height, which are important in reinforcing gender roles in marriage. This article also describes the use of personals in identifying societal trends. One of the earlier studies described the importance placed on thinness in women in America. Later in the article, it was noted that personals from Indian-Americans appeared to be changing, perhaps in conjunction with the American acculturation of this ethnic group. Personals from India Abroad show the beginnings of shared Indian and American values. The personals are fertile ground for research and for teaching psychiatrists about cultural competence and the importance of cultural contexts in patient care. As seen in the studies above, reviewing personals can also help one understand important trends and even subtle fads. With individual patients using the personals, these ads can be a powerful way to explore a patient’s preferences or even fantasies. They also enable both the psychiatrist and the patient to understand the patient better as he describes and promotes himself in the ads. Some interesting studies could be related to specific time-periods. For example, one study could look at interracial dating practices of the 1960s and compare them with the 1990s, or a retrospective study examining personals from each decade could see what the personals reflected as important trends and issues of that time period. Also, a large study could be done within America to review and compare personals published in small or rural papers as well as in ethnic or religion-oriented papers. There are abundant possibilities for international comparisons, which could be similar to Linlin’s research. Along similar lines, one could look at personals on the Internet and review “e-dating” or chat rooms. Although not discussed in this article, these venues are extraordinarily popular among the new generation of computer-savvy consumers and may

also offer more opportunities for international studies. Finally, the personals could be used as a teaching tool in psychiatry. One of the most challenging areas to teach in medicine and psychiatry is cultural competence. This is, in part, because of the biases or perceived biases of the teacher. As this article demonstrates, however, personals themselves describe the values of the culture; hence, the perceived biases of the teacher in presenting them are negligible. Also, many physicians have stayed away from discussing controversial topics like a patient’s religion and race or even cultural viewpoints, in part so as to stay neutral and to form a good doctor–patient alliance. In fact, rarely in medicine, except in psychiatry, do patients’ cultural, societal, or individual preferences for mate selection arise. It is easy to engage psychiatrists and psychiatry residents in discussions of personals because they are about finding love and human connections. Hence, the personals may allow a unique forum for psychiatrists and trainees to have candid discussions of issues like race, religion, or cultural values and differences. On a day-to-day basis, the use of personals may help psychiatrists understand the generational history and the cultural context of the patient. For example, with Indian patients or couples that talk about having an arranged marriage, reading Indian personals may help the psychiatrist understand the cultural importance of family in mate selection, rather than seeing the patient as dependent and having no voice; or for the patient who describes using the personals to find a mate, the psychiatrist can explore with the patient what he values and compare and contrast it with the larger societal and cultural context in which the patient lives. In all, the personals may provide an invaluable venue for the psychiatrist to better help his patient understand himself and those around him. And in accomplishing this, the psychiatrist may enable his patient to make meaningful connections.

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PAREKH AND BERESIN 6. Deaux K, Hanna R: Courtship in the personals column: the influence of gender and sexual orientation. Sex Roles 1984; 11(5/6):363–375 7. Hirschman E: People as products: analysis of a complex marketing exchange. Journal of Marketing 1987; 51:98–108 8. Smith J, Waldorf A, Trembath D: “Single white male looking for thin, very attractive. . .” Sex Roles 1990; 23(11/12):675– 685

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