Sex Roles (2010) 62:392–394 DOI 10.1007/s11199-010-9742-1

BOOK REVIEW

Queering Families? Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle. By Abbie E. Goldberg, Washington D.C., American Psychological Association, 2009. 233 pp. $69.95 (hardback) ISBN: 978-1-43380536-3 Dana Berkowitz

Published online: 3 February 2010 # Springer Science+Business Media, LLC 2010

Abbie E. Goldberg’s Lesbian and Gay Parents and their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle is a comprehensive review and critical analysis of the empirical research and contemporary debates in lesbian and gay parenting. With this text, Goldberg secures her status as an expert scholar in the burgeoning field of lesbian and gay family studies. Drawing on an integrated theoretical approach, Goldberg anchors nonheterosexuals’ familybuilding processes within the multilayered legal, historical and political structures that shape them. Qualitative and quantitative studies are artfully weaved together to capture the breadth, depth, complexities, and controversies in the existing scholarship on lesbian and gay families with children. A brief introductory chapter sets up the organization and conceptual framework for the book. Intersecting and complimentary perspectives of ecological, life course, and social constructionism guide the analysis, writing, and presentation of the text. Subsequent topical chapters mirror the life course of many lesbian and gay families with children. Chapters two through six detail the scholarship on lesbian and gay men’s intimate partnering, their transitions to parenthood, and the realities of parenting and family, both for parents and for children. Perhaps the most unique contribution of this volume is the information presented in chapter seven that offers a rare glimpse into the experiences of adult children raised by lesbian and gay parents. Within each of these topical D. Berkowitz (*) Louisiana State University, Baton Rouge, LA, USA e-mail: [email protected]

chapters Goldberg provides a detailed analysis of existing empirical studies, includes suggestions for future research, proposes implications for policymakers and practitioners, and refers readers to helpful resources such as videos, web sites, and popular press publications. As Goldberg takes readers through this extensive body of data she consistently remains sensitive to social context, time, and gender. Every effort is taken to integrate the paucity of scholarship that addresses the all too often ignored experiences of multiracial, bisexual and transgender families. Chapter two of the text reviews the literature on intimate relationships of same sex couples prior to becoming parents (of course recognizing that not all lesbian and gay couples will eventually become parents). Situating same-sex coupling in a sociohistorical perspective and employing a social constructionist lens sensitive to the freedoms and challenges that result from a lacunae of nonheterosexual scripts, Goldberg details the processes of dating and forging and maintaining committed relationships for lesbian and gay couples. What follows is an in-depth analysis of how same-sex dyads negotiate intimacy, conflict, and power and the unique challenges that surface in the absence of any structural-legal relationship recognition. Chapter three provides a detailed review of the literature on the transition to parenthood for sexual minorities. The reader is guided through an extensive body of research highlighting the ways that social, legal, and political barriers make the transition to parenthood emotionally, psychologically, and financially labor-intensive for samesex couples. Seeking out and obtaining services, securing legal protections, and navigating one’s parental identity in

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the context of potentially non-supportive family, friends, and community are just some of the aspects that make the transition to parenthood challenging for lesbian and gay parents. Non-heterosexuals’ parenting transitions are situated within a complex web of internalized homophobia, institutionalized heterosexism, gender norms and stereotypes and racial and economic inequalities. Goldberg provides an extensive overview of varying paths to parenthood that run the gamut from multiple forms of adoption to assisted reproductive technologies and follows with a discussion of the unique specificities inherent in each family-building pathway. This chapter also explores the transformations that ensue in terms of the couples’ relationships, roles, and identities as they navigate the transition to parenthood. Although more a product of the limitations of the existing research than any fault of the author, absent in this chapter is any discussion of unintentional or unplanned parenting amongst lesbians and gay men. Such kinship arrangements often surface for sexual minorities who are also marginalized by social class and/or racial or ethnic oppression (Boggis 2001; Cahill et al. 2003; Mays et al. 1998). Integrating analysis of these unplanned families into a seminal text such as Goldberg’s is a critical step in problematizing the white middle-class hegemony that dominates much of the scholarship on lesbian and gay families with children (Allen and Demo 1995). Chapter four addresses the unique challenges of parenting in a heterosexist society and describes the experiences, perspectives, and adjustments for sexual minority parents. Included in this chapter is a discussion of how lesbian and gay parents respond to homophobic encounters; specifically how they navigate the dual dilemma of instilling a sense of pride in their family while simultaneously preparing their children for inevitable encounters with homophobia. Goldberg also explains how non-heterosexual parents negotiate queries regarding the absence of a mother or a father and details how lesbian and gay parents traverse the gendered meanings associated with motherhood and fatherhood with regards to division of household labor and childrearing. Same-sex couples cannot divide up household chores and responsibilities according to gender, and thus challenge the rigidity of gender roles in their everyday parenting practices. Yet, this deconstruction and redefinition of gendered family processes occurs within a broader social context that limits how these men and women can enact and communicate their parenting roles. Moreover, lacking institutional and legal support as well as the language to name and describe their relationships to one another, Goldberg shows how they must articulate their roles and identities within the constraints of existing notions of mothering, fathering, parenting, and stepparenting. Without reducing lesbian and gay families to

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imitations of a heteronormative ideal, Goldberg intelligently demonstrates how family members resist their marginalized statuses, assert their relationships to one another in creative—sometimes even subversive ways, and respond practically to societal scriptures. Also included in this chapter is an important discussion of how non-heterosexual couples’ negotiate their intimate relationships as they adjust to parenting and how they manage the dissolution of their relationships in the absence of legal safeguards that can protect the rights of both parents. The chapter concludes with a discussion of how lesbian and gay parents’ extended family and friendship networks change as their children develop. The research on lesbian and gay parents strongly indicates that they are no less equipped to raise healthy, ‘normally’-developed children than their heterosexual counterparts. Nonetheless, the question of ‘what about the children’ continues to pervade the debates on lesbian and gay parenting. The information presented in chapter five brings the experiences of children raised by lesbian and gay parents to the fore and addresses the key issues in this controversy. This chapter presents an exhaustive review of the developmental, psychological, and sociological research on children reared by non-heterosexuals. Goldberg provides an extensive review of the findings on children’s gender identity, gendered role behavior, sexual orientation, social functioning, and psychological adjustment in lesbian and gay headed families. These findings reveal that children of lesbian and gay parents have more expansive and flexible gender and sexual repertoires. Specifically, children reared by lesbian and gay parents are more gender-neutral in their behaviors, interests, and orientations and are more open to the possibility of same-sex relationships than children raised by heterosexual households. Goldberg reviews the inconsistencies in findings on children’s experiences of teasing and bullying and unravels how these experiences differ in terms of a child’s gender, developmental period, social class, and their geographical area. She asserts that the fact that these children might be unfairly exposed to teasing and bullying does not warrant denying lesbian and gay men parental rights and protections. Rather than placing the responsibility for stigma on lesbian and gay parents and their children, a more fruitful approach would be confronting the institutions and individuals that legitimate and perpetuate homophobia. Chapter six explores the perspectives of adult children of lesbian and gay parents and reveals critical insights into the advantages, disadvantages and complexities of growing up in a sexually marginalized family. Goldberg summarizes the few studies that include analysis of adult children’s retrospective reflections of their childhood and/or their interpretations of how their childhood has shaped their lives as adults. Attending to the narratives of these adult children

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turns the spotlight on how growing up in a home with a lesbian or gay parent does indeed make a difference. Some adult children reported an increased tolerance for diversity and more flexible ideas about sexuality and gender. Yet, growing up in a marginalized family form can be difficult, particularly when one has a heightened awareness of the social and political scrutiny of one’s family. Many of these adult children reflected on their childhood as feeling as if they grew up under a microscope and recalled an intense pressure to present themselves as well adjusted, emotionally stable, and normal functioning kids. Related, those children who did not identify as heterosexual were acutely aware that their parents’ sexuality would be blamed for turning them gay. This is perhaps the most controversial dimension of the growing body of scholarship on adult children of sexual minority parents—it documents the inevitable outcome that some of these children will come to identify as gay themselves. Despite the political risks of highlighting the experiences of “queer children of queer parents” the experiences of this dually marginalized group should not be overlooked simply out of fear, as doing so leaves so many important questions unanswered. A final and fascinating finding of this nascent research is how the individual transformations that result from growing up in a sexually marginalized family reverberate through the adult child’s social networks, such that an intergenerational and intercommunity transformation occurs, augmenting the potentiality for widespread social awareness and even social transformation. Children of gay and lesbian parents are diverse in terms of gender, social class, race, ethnicity, and sexuality. Yet, they all share a commonality of being raised in a family that is devalued by much of society. How will their heightened awareness of oppression affect their peer relationships, their intergenerational family dynamics, and their involvement in social justice movements? These questions and many others are still to be answered. This text represents a first step in constructing a research paradigm that brings lesbian and gay parent families from the margins to the center of family scholarship and theorizing. The landscape of non-heterosexual families is a messy, complicated, and exciting terrain that can expand our understanding of parents, families, gender, and sexuality. Goldberg warns that while we have learned a significant amount from these families, researchers must be cognizant

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of all that they have yet to learn. Much more scholarship is needed to fully capture the diversity in non-heterosexual families with regard to racial and ethnic makeup, geographical location, social class, family type, and many other intersecting differences. However, academic attention, while necessary is not sufficient. The information presented in this text makes clear that it is essential for teachers, practitioners, and community leaders to create affirmative environments for children of non-heterosexual parents. Policymakers, court officials, and practitioners can no longer afford to rely on morally and religiously driven stereotypes and arguments in making decisions that involve non-heterosexual family structures. Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Children: Research on the Family Life Cycle is the most comprehensive synthesis to date on lesbian and gay parenting (for valuable edited volumes on this topic see Bernstein and Reimann 2001 and Tasker and Bigner 2007). This text should be required reading for all policymakers, lawyers, practitioners, researchers, and educators who work with families. I would recommend this text to any student interested in families, gender, or sexualities. This book can be read by a wide audience and will be a wonderful resource for prospective and active lesbian and gay parents, their children, and their children’s children. References Allen, K. R., & Demo, D. H. (1995). The families of lesbian and gay men: A new frontier in family research. Journal of Marriage and the Family, 57, 111–127. Bernstein, M., & Reimann, R. (Eds.). (2001). Queer families, queer politics: Challenging culture and the state. New York: Columbia University Press. Boggis, T. (2001). Affording our families: Class issues in family formation. In M. Bernstein & R. Reiman (Eds.), Queer families, queer politics (pp. 175–181). New York: Columbia University Press. Cahill, S., Battle, J., & Meyer, D. (2003). Partnering, parenting, and policy: Family issues affecting black lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) people. Race & Society, 6, 85–98. Mays, V. M., Chatters, L. M., Cochran, S. D., & Mackness, J. (1998). African American families in diversity: Gay men and lesbians as participants in family networks. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 29, 73–87. Tasker, F., & Bigner, J. (Eds.). (2007). Gay and lesbian parenting: New directions. Binghampton: Haworth.